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You know that what they’re saying isn’t true – tell yourself this often and Hi, I’m Natalie!
Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.
Because of that misconception as well as another – we have to have ‘legitimate’ reasons before we can break – some people do the dishonourable thing and the moment that they feel in over their head, or the moment that they suspect or decide that they want out, rather than be a grownup and say so, they look to build a case around it, which is similar to deciding that a suspect is guilty with no evidence and then looking for ways to fit a preconceived agenda and conclusion around them. A person who is looking to make a strong case for an exit will manage their way out of it by looking for reasons to justify the decision that they’ve already made, a decision I might add that they’re free to make without having to drag your name through the mud.
That’s why I hear from people who feel so damned confused, betrayed and blindsided because they realise that they were in effect set up to fail.
It hurts when we do our best to be decent people, to love and care generously (sometimes too much so), only for that to be mistaken for weakness and treated like this bad thing that makes us tricky to offload.Breakups, even expected and mutual ones, often feel like a kick a teeth, but a breakup feels like a mugging when it comes to light that our ex has been in effect, poisoning the waters by saying things about us that are not true or are certainly exaggerated.Why would somebody who we shared a relationship with and who we believe that we were loving to, choose to spread misinformation designed to discredit us?We feel frustrated, angry and wounded because we don’t feel that we have a right of reply.Even if we speak up, it may just make the situation worse, after all, if these people have decided to believe this stuff, they may decide that us sticking up for ourselves is us trying to convince and convert.